


train song

by nonamebut



Category: NCT (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, 여자친구 | GFriend (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams, Jeon Jungkook & Jung Eunbi | Eunha Are Cousins, Lotus Eater Machine Inspired, Multi, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonamebut/pseuds/nonamebut
Summary: It's the oldest story in the universe.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Jung Eunbi | Eunha, Jeon Jungkook/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	train song

**Author's Note:**

> [a single love is born among the million things dispersed in the light](https://open.spotify.com/track/1PpR3bPWwafK0twAhhpI8J?si=wVPWOBW7RJagybhhMbw9xw)
> 
> this particular fic (in its current version/au) wouldn't be here if it weren't for jaehyun recommending a certain song that a certain idol [coincidentally covered](https://youtu.be/TEl34dx48TY) a year ago :o jaehyun even said it fit spring.. and that he liked the lyrics..... head bang

On a balmy April evening, spring finally arrives in Jungkook’s home.

The reason as to why is something he isn’t so sure of yet. He takes one look inside his tiny dorm room, though, and tries to think of what story he’s trying to tell himself this time.

Plastered and peeling off the wall is the calendar Namjoon gave for one of Jungkook’s birthdays. _April 2015_ , it declares in faded purple. Below it is the umbrella Hoseok used to religiously carry with him whenever he snuck out to the studio, up until it got shredded to pieces by Seokjin’s dog.

A battered radio floats towards Jungkook, a reminder of the flood that had taken his childhood home; it plays a lullaby he only seems to remember in dreams.

And in the middle of it all is his mattress, still so awkward and lumpy. That’s the one thing from the present that remains in the room, at least. That, and—

 _Hey you._ Eunha must have woken up as he struggled to unlock the door, because now she’s fumbling with her bangs and tucking her legs in, sitting up on the bed to give her cousin a tired greeting.

Jungkook has always been a dreamer, so it’s not too hard to figure this kind of stuff out.

“I met up with an old friend today,” he begins, stepping further into the room and shutting the door. “He was really nice. I forgot just how funny he was, actually…”

The walls stutter and for a moment it’s as if they’re sitting in Eunha’s room. Back when it was still the two of them, the two youngest kids in the entire neighborhood, keeping each other company while their mothers gossiped in the old living room.

Eunha gasps gently, pats the space beside her. “Who’s this friend? Do I know him?”

“Nah. I met him after you.” There’s a sticky sort of pause. “But I think you would have really liked him. He’s… kind of like me.”

Indulgent and fond, Eunha giggles into her palms. “And I do love you. So…!”

“I love you too,” says Jungkook automatically.

He picks at the sleeve of his hoodie and thinks some more in that pretty little head of his. Beside him Eunha shifts on the bed, a pastel pink skirt fluttering over her thighs before the fabric briefly shimmers into a dark starlight dress. The room even blinks a few more times, but he doesn’t notice any further changes until he wakes up.

People are always surprised to find that Jungkook and Jaehyun aren’t closer than they actually are. _They’re so similar_ , they’d always say. Two golden boys who can no wrong.

Privately, Jungkook has always been quite flattered by the comparison. Jaehyun does, after all, have everything. As the only child to a rich CEO father and an elite art director mother, Jaehyun’s always had all the opportunities.

It doesn’t hurt that he’s also handsome as hell.

But that’s not really the point. And it’s not really the thing Jungkook’s most jealous of, anyway. Jaehyun has it all and can do it all—in all the different ways those words imply.

It’s hard not to buy into it, and that’s probably why the two of them have been straddling the line of acquaintanceship for the longest time. Jungkook can’t help but see Jaehyun’s money and _think_.

The truth is that the two of them are a lot more alike than one would realize.

For example—Jungkook and Jaehyun can’t say no. Like, just yesterday, when the liberal arts department asked Jaehyun to model for them, because of _course_ the charitable Jaehyun could do anything under the sun. Then they asked Jungkook to photograph the whole thing, because of course it’s ~~chari~~ Jungkook who will do anything under the sun.

For example—both have their pride. Both know their place, the role they play in this world, and have long since made their peace with it. Everyone smiles at Jaehyun as he makes his way to the set, and Jungkook cheerily greets everyone who enters the room. And when the shoot starts, it’s clear who the star is, here.

The truth is that the two of them weren’t as close as they have become now. Now, Jungkook knows enough to say, we’re not that similar after all. Not in the ways most people would think.

But anyway, to set the scene: golden, everyone thinks they’re golden. Golden are the last rays of light that trickle in from the window, but no one pays the last spring sunset any mind. Their set is farther into the studio, a homey attempt at a mock-up apartment Jungkook’s pretty sure he’ll never afford in his entire life.

Jaehyun’s gaze flits from the blankets to the ceiling. Then it lands squarely on the camera, and Jungkook has to bite his tongue.

It’s strange, how it’s in this moment—amongst the ring lights and the stage props—that Jungkook finds himself feeling this way. The irony is not lost on him at all.

Why does Jaehyun stare into the camera as if he is not the one being taken, so to speak? How can he look through the lens and make Jungkook be the one who feels—the vulnerability?

 _Three, two, one._ Jungkook captures it all.

Later everyone gathers behind him to ogle over the pictures. He tries really hard not to look up, because he’s kind of sure Jaehyun’s still sitting on the mattress, languid and loose.

… Nah. Now, he’s pretty sure. Now, Jungkook smiles back.

A few months later he dreams that he is the ghost in his apartment.

It happens sometimes, when the girls come to visit during his class hours. He gave them a spare key for this very reason, but somehow in moments like this he still ends up feeling like the one violating another person’s privacy.

Today it’s Yuna, who has never needed that key before. Though Jungkook is supposed to be Eunha right now, he can feel his own surprise mingle with his cousin’s.

He fixes his bangs, tucks his legs in. Waving meekly at the girl who takes tentative steps into the room, he wonders what could possibly have brought Eunha’s first and last love knocking.

“Today,” Yuna starts, clearing her throat. Her voice is the click of the door, closing shut. “Today I met up with this girl. Her name is Sujeong.”

 _Oh._ He thinks this, but Eunha does too. Jungkook’s hand pats down on the sheets rumpled next to him.

Yuna sits in the same spot Jungkook did all those months ago. “I think you would have liked her. I wish—I wish you could have met her.”

 _Don’t just giggle sweetly, Eunha_ —but Jungkook does. And his palms come up to gently smother his laugher, and it’s awful. Jungkook realizes now, how awful this must have been the first time.

 _Wake up, Jungkook._ He wants to wake up, but Eunha—

“Do you remember what you told me, then?” Yuna’s smiling, now, her eyes still shining.

Jungkook nods but he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know.

He never wanted to know that Eunha told Yuna _and you’re gonna be happy_. But now he knows because of course Eunha remembers it.

Eunha does remember but she doesn’t say a thing. (Jungkook never wanted to know.) It’s not like Yuna needs to know. Not anymore.

“And you’re gonna be happy,” says Yuna, soft and slow. “I didn’t believe you then… but I want to believe you now.”

“I’m glad.” The pause that spills between the two is syrup. “I’ll always love you, Yuna.”

Yuna doesn’t hear a thing, but it doesn’t matter anymore. “I’ll always love you, Eunbi. I miss you every day.”

But I’m gonna be happy.

“So what’s this list?”

It’s a bit infuriating, how Jaehyun leans into Jungkook’s personal space like that. Jungkook hates how this sudden proximity can be so well justified. But Jungkook also hates—perhaps even more so—that, _yeah_ , he kind of wanted Jaehyun to dig his perfect chiseled chin into his bony shoulder.

“It’s… well. My cousin made it for me. A bucket list of stuff to do before I graduate.”

A disembodied voice warns the passengers of the next stop. There’s a shuffle of movement, and Jungkook finds himself clutching at Jaehyun’s hand briefly to keep himself steady.

“Let’s do one now, then. We can cross off something from that list together.” Jaehyun stands up to give his seat to an elderly lady, bless his heart. “Maybe we have enough time for a second one before I walk you back home.”

Jungkook tugs his beanie down. The longer time they spend together, the harder it is for Jungkook to—to understand him. They’re different people, they’re _different people_.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to though.”

And the train lurches forward once more, a gentle melody of movement.

Maybe he should have backed away, kept their relationship the way it was before. Stayed as acquaintances and nothing more.

But their lives, it seems, are more closely entwined than he first realized. A tiny voice in Jungkook’s head—that suspiciously sounds a lot like Eunha—wait, it _is_ Eunha—says that it’s _fate_.

“Jungkook?” Said boy freezes in the middle of the hallway, nearly dropping his keys in his haste to scramble into his room as quickly as possible.

He closes his eyes and takes a breath. “Jaehyun?”

And there the dream boat is, standing so out of place next to some other familiar faces: Yewon and Jungwoo.

“Oh, hey guys.” Jungkook waves a little too enthusiastically, hoping his two younger friends could somehow read his mind and save him from the embarrassment.

Thankfully, Jungwoo gets him. It helps to be close to your neighbors, especially if said neighbor is also a fellow scholarship kid.

“You guys know each other? I wish I knew in advance, we all could have hung out together.”

“Right? Small world!” Even better—Yewon has known him longer, and even if she’s just as loaded as Jaehyun is, being best friends with Jungwoo probably has her privy to a lot of the inner workings of people like them. “I know Jungkook through his cousin. Did you know that…”

Taking this as a sign that Yewon’s about to spout out a nice and long and eloquent monologue, god bless her, Jungkook quickly nods in their direction and motions towards his own dorm room.

“Have a nice night, Jungkook.”

Later, while Jungkook’s gorging on some instant noodles over his chemistry notes, Eunha makes fun of him for gay panicking too obviously.

“I mean, if you already showed him your list, you can probably invite him into your room. Dummy.”

Jungkook winces. “Maybe.”

“Aw. I’m proud of you, you know?” A phantom of a punch whooshes against his shoulder. “If he’s the real deal, he probably won’t mind that you move at such a snail pace.”

Eunha hums, considering. “Or, well. Maybe he’ll be the one to move towards you.”

It’s right after she says this that his phone buzzes from where it’s charging by the wall. The two cousins blink at each other, once, then twice. Then they scramble to reach the device first.

There’s no one else it could be, after all. No one else who could get Jungkook smiling, the way he does now.

There are other people Jungkook keeps coming back to, of course. In his dreams it’s always summer, thanks to the warmth in Taehyung’s smile. There’s never a lull in conversation whenever he’s with Jimin, the only hyung who could speak in familiar dialect.

Sometimes he thinks of Namjoon and his kind words, or the silly dance routines he made up with Hoseok. In the background of his dreams, Seokjin’s dog always sounds happy and playful. All of them, really—forever young, or at least for as long as Jungkook will remember them as such.

But it’s been a while since he thought about his first love. Been a while since he dreamt of it so vividly, as he does now.

He’s walked past how many train compartments, now? He’s not sure. But he’s following it—the sound. His first love, his first love. The song keeps playing, and it doesn’t stop even as he finally finds the source.

Sometimes the piano is on fire, but tonight it isn’t. The boy who plays on for eternity never looks back, no matter how much Jungkook has begged in the past.

Jungkook makes himself home on one of the seats, stares out the window.

After a while, he recognizes the song being played. It makes him smile; he’s always liked IU, even though Yoongi always teased him for it. Even though—even though Yoongi always played her songs after being asked only once.

Wait a little longer, wait for me. You and I, we can’t be yet—

Jungkook, strangely, wants to wake up.

“It’s so weird seeing you here.” Donghyuck squints, the top part of his face just barely peeking over Mark’s arm. “You don’t belong here, pretty boy.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I ride the train sometimes, dummy. It’s no big deal.”

“The things you do for the dicking appointments, huh?” asks Jungwoo, voice carrying through the few people separating them. He’s leaning smugly against the side of the door, a relaxed contrast to Jungkook’s awkward hunch in the middle of the train.

Mark, to his credit, tries really hard to muffle his laugh into a cough. Instead it comes out strangled and even makes Sojung pull out her airpods and ask, very mildly, if he’s alright.

“Shut up, hyung. I think it’s nice of him to go out of his way to meet up with his boyfriend.”

Jungkook actually chokes. No one spares him a glance. “He’s not—we’re not even dating, Mark. Who told you that?”

“Uh, no one needed to? We can all see it in those _longing_ gazes. It’s kinda pathetic, honestly.”

Mark slaps at Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Hey! Play nice, we all promised that we’d be supportive. It’s the first time we’ve seen this hyung be serious!”

“That’s true.” Sojung speaks up again, presses her shoulder against Jungkook’s in a gesture of solidarity. “It’s cool to see this kid be sure about something for once. We have to protect him at all costs.”

“What?” Jungkook blinks. If anything, he’s the most sure, most _purposeful_ kid in the world. Anyone who knows him could tell.

He stares at Sojung, who has mothered him alongside Eunha for literal years—who’s back to listening to music.

Who is this _we_? And why would Mark and Donghyuck and Jungwoo need to promise any—

Oh. Jungkook blinks—no, Jaehyun blinks. Jungkook is dreaming and Jungkook is Jaehyun. Weird.

But then Jungkook turns to his right and there Jaehyun is, leaning real close. He looks into his eyes and Jungkook blinks again. The shutter, _click_.

“Jungkook? Woah. You’re so pale.” A hand rests gently on his cheek, briefly grazing the corner of his lips before it pulls away. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

All of a sudden they’re in the campus library and _huh_ , Jungkook must have fallen asleep in the middle of their study date. Weird.

“Are you okay?”

Instead of answering the question, Jungkook finds himself shooting another one right back at Jaehyun. “Am I dreaming?”

It makes Jaehyun laugh. The dorky, private kind of giggle that Jungkook can never seem to get enough of. “You? Dreaming of me?”

The tips of Jaehyun’s ears go peach pink as Jungkook’s silence stretches.

“Ah, just—time to study some more, Jungkook. Try not to fall asleep on me again, okay?”

This time, for sure—Jungkook knows he’s Eunha. Eunbi. Or whoever she wants to be in this moment, as Taehyung smiles down at her, reaching out a wooly mittened hand. “We’re going to be late.”

Jungkook smiles. He’s waited, for so long.

“Can I stay longer?” he asks instead. “I don’t want to go…”

A train whistles in the distance. The snow sings lullabies Jungkook forgets the words to.

Taehyung’s smile isn’t the summer anymore. “I’m sorry. I know it must have been hard—the waiting. But we need to go now.”

It’s chase or be chased, but now there’s no more time left to run.

Eunha finds herself at a standstill. The train is here, now.

“Can’t you let me say goodbye?”

This time it’s Jungkook who speaks the words. Goodbye, I’ll be happy.

“Love you, Jungkook.” Taehyung brushes something off Eunha’s cheek. The snowflakes—they keep falling. Their song is a train that takes everyone he loves to a far off place he can’t see.

“A lot of things can happen in the time that the Earth has traveled around the sun.”

Jaehyun snorts, loud and ugly. “Just say I’ve made your year, Jungkook.”

“Shut up. I’m serious!”

The sky has gone out, but the light from their phones is enough to just barely see the peach of Jaehyun’s ears.

“I know.” A sigh, gentle and almost fond. “I just… don’t know what to say to that. To this.”

Jungkook presses his shoulder against Jaehyun’s. “Are you saying I’ve made you speechless for once?”

“Ha. Sure. Whatever you want.”

Quietly, they dangle their feet over the edge.

In the past, Jungkook has let many things go unsaid in this very clearing. He let the ghosts linger in this weird outdoor pool of concrete.

“Thanks for coming with me. I know it’s not much…” Jungkook jumps when he feels Jaehyun’s hand cover his own. “… but I wanted to show it to you, anyway.”

“It’s beautiful.” How cheesy. He doesn’t need to look up to know that Jaehyun is only staring at him.

“You do that a lot.”

“… you only notice that now?”

Jungkook wants to say something just as cheesy, to affect him just as much.

“I’m just going to have to keep looking at you— _only_ you—from now on. To make up for it.”

On a balmy spring evening, Jungkook finds that spring has opened up his lotus of a heart.

That’s what he tells himself, at least. It’s what he chooses to believe.

**Author's Note:**

> [you saw me, you found me (run to me, take me home)](https://youtu.be/-wfaBzHd5QA)
> 
> thank you for reading! :) i hope that tomorrow will be kinder to us all.
> 
> if by chance a fellow armybuddyzen is reading this - i know i could have made a better rough reference!! but in the end this was jungkook's story so a more obvious one wouldn't have made sense :') also the ending scene is supposed to reference That Hyyh Setting heheh
> 
> **ameneurosis** n. the half-forlorn, half-escapist ache of a train whistle calling in the distance at night.
> 
>  **fata organa** n. a flash of real emotion glimpsed in someone sitting across the room, idly locked in the middle of some group conversation, their eyes glinting with vulnerability or quiet anticipation or cosmic boredom—as if you could see backstage through a gap in the curtains, watching stagehands holding their ropes at the ready, actors in costume mouthing their lines, fragments of bizarre sets waiting for some other production.


End file.
